[Star Trek – Pine/Quinto] leupagus & Pru – D:

Title: D:
Author: leupagus & Pru
Rating: PG-13 || Status: Complete
Summary: “Oh my God, this shit has developed a narrative thread,” Chris marvels.

Archive:
AO3

OMG, this is totally the most ridiculous thing ever and I loved it, LOLOL. ♥ Seriously, Chris’ voice is so embarrassingly awesome, I was dying at his epic fail-ness.

He’d drunk half a handle of Jack Daniels last night as liquid courage before he’d busted out the dildo and lube (called Boy Butter, Bruce was a sick fuck) and put the TV on Spice Channel and his laptop on YouPornGay.com. An unsuccessful half-hour later, he’d caved, found an old compact one of his ex-girlfriends had left in his house and ended up in a lamaze position, trying to angle it behind his fucking nuts so he could see what the hell he was doing back there. He’d held out for another fifteen minutes before he’d applied the “fuck it,” principle, slathered up the fake dick and gone to town, and another fifteen minutes after that, tossing back aspirin and trying to angle his neck so he could inspect his goddamn backside in the mirror and check to see if he’d literally rippedhimself a new asshole, he’d thought, “Holy shit, gay dudes are intense, this isn’t messing,” and drank the rest of the JD to numb the combination soreness, humiliation and utter lack of orgasm.

Seriously, dying, LOLOLOL!